THIS PIPING TIME OF PEACE IN SOMALIA
After the speech
I did not hie home to Montreal
I decided
to linger on in Toronto
to gauge the mood of the Toronto Somali community
For a week I ate my favorite Somali breakfast
Liver onions finger peppers banana lime crepe
washed down
with gallons of piping hot spicy
Somali tea!
For a week I ate breakfast at
Istar Restaurant
owned & operated
by a fellow Abgal woman
married to a Habar Gidir fellow
whose mother is Rer Mahad!
They are assisted by an Amhara lady
who hails from the highlands of Ethiopia!
who reminded me of Coleridge and his
damsel with a dulcimer
In a vision once I saw:
It was an Abyssinian maid
And on her dulcimer she played
Singing of Mount Abora.
In that small and efficient business enterprise
I witnessed
I saw
I beheld
I espied
I scoped
I ogled
I smelled
I tasted
I ate
I masticated
I munched
I feasted upon the miracle
that can be accomplished when
all the clans
all the tribes
all the nations
of the horny Horn pull together…
HARAMBEE!!
For all of that week
I sought the company of
my Habar Gidir brothers & sisters
to bury the hatchet
to resurrect the Somali nation
to break together the bread of Peace called muffo
To sit together
Behold
how good
how pleasant
it is for Somali Hirab brethren
to sit together
in amity
in comity
in unity!
to break bread together in peace!
to dwell together in unity!
It is like the precious ointment upon the head,
that ran down upon the beard
even Aaron’s beard
that went down to the skirts of his garments
It is
as the dew of Hermon
as the dew
that descended upon the mountains of Zion:
for there the LORD commanded
the blessing even life for evermore.
I will never forget
the fellowship
the friendship
the fellow-feeling
the sharing
the jiving
the joshing
the jamming
the bantering
the bandaged badinage
of all of my Somali brothers & sisters
particularly of my
Habar Gidir brothers & sisters
punctuated
by the bon mots of
Colonel Abdulqadir X Galbetti
punctuated
by the sagacity
the sobriety of
Nasir A Baale
Late in one night I was so surprised to spot Omar Gaab
An Ill-Jeh brother in a Majerten joint
run by my friend, Mohamed Dahir & his wife
My Gidir friend totally disarmed me with
---Come here!
sit here, Togane!
Tell me how amazed you are to find me here!
Brother, now you know
you are not the only Darod lover
among us Hawiye!
Mahamed Qasim Munye
one of the brightest stars of the Toronto Somali Community
accompanied by Artan & Ainab
put in an appearance.
Another highlight of my week in Toronto was when I met
with over fifty Habar Gidir fellows
in the Dixon Country-style Coffee Shop
who grilled me for five hours
without any mercy
with no quarter given:
---Togane, why do you always like
to hobnob with
to huddle with
to hitch with
to ham with
to hook up with
to high-five
to hit off
to glad-hand
to hang out
to whore after the Darod Druids?
Don’t you know that you too are Hawiye?
For example
when you came in here just now
you automatically sat on the Darod side
without even acknowledging our presence here
how come you never sit on our Hawiye side?
......I am from Montreal:
believe me
I did not know about the crazy clannish sides of this joint
furthermore
I instinctively sat on the Darod side for one simply reason:
It is as far away as possible from the toilet!
I don’t like to sit next to the toilet
I don’t like to smell
I don’t like to listen
to the martial music playing out in there!
Why is it
that we Hawiye always
choose
what stinks to high heaven
what is an abomination unto the Lord!
Why is it
That we Hawiye always end up
Short-changed!
Shafted
Over the barrel!
Why is it
That we Hawiye always end up
With the short end of the shitty stick
Why is it
That we Hawiye always end up
Shit creek without a paddle!
---Believe me
this shook the joint with laughter!
this brought down the house!
I silently thanked the Lord
that we Hawiye have not yet
at least
lost our sense of humor:
Lord heap miseries upon us Somalis
Yet entwine our arts
Yet entwine our arts
With laughter low
But alas I was not to get away so lightly:
Hajji Ugas & Abdigheni
son of Totto were relentless:
---Togane
why do you generalize about us Habar Gidir?
Why do you paint us all with your same insane Evil brush?
Don’t you know that there are
sinners & saints
hajjis & whores
Sheikhs & Sharifs
among us Habar Gidir?
We can’t be all that bad:
Allah never made anything all totally Evil:
even on the body of the dirty pig
there is one hair
that is halal
that is holy
that is kosher!
Let us quote back at you your beloved Blake:
To Generalize is to be an Idiot
To Particularize is
the Alone Distinction of Merit…
Togane
why do you like to play
the idiot
when it comes to us Habar Gidir?
Why do you call us all Hawiye savages?
Togane
Just be fair
all that is Evil does not belong to Eve
Despite what the Sons of Adam say!
All that is Evil does not belong to us Ill-Jeh
Despite what Somali cowards crow cowardly into the water-pot
Despite what you yell from the rooftops of the internet
Despite how shrill you sound your barbaric YAWP
over the roofs of the world
Let us hear you now
trying
to justify the unjustifiable!
----My Togane Doctrine is
to condemn all Somali clans
to crucify Somali clanism
which is
the the most insidious sort of racism
I begin
the condemnation
the pointing of fingers
the apportioning of the bloody blame game
with my own mindless Mudulood clan
abuse as charity must begin at home!
If those who live in glass houses are foolish enough
to choose
to throw stones
They must throw the first stone
at their own glass house
and shatter it to smithereens!
Recall the Somali saying that says
when you point a finger
watch out
for you are pointing three fingers
at your own silly self!
There is nothing good
about clanism
about racism
It is like the sea
the sea is all salty
there is no part or place or spot
in the sea
where behold
you can drink sweet water
for it is all salty
I got to generalize
about clans
about clanism
about racism
for racism does not trade or truck or truckle with individuals
for individualism or individuality has yet to be invented by us savage Somalis
If today a Somali invents the cure for cancer
If today a Somali discovers cure for aids
what is the first thing we Somalis want to know about her
What is the name of the clan to whom she belongs?
Is she Dir Darod or Dayuus?
The individual does not yet exist
in our Somali ethos
that is why one can’t help but generalize about
the jinni
the ginks
the galoots
the gaalo
the Silly Billies
the so-called Somalis
who are all idiots
who are all Matto
who don’t believe in Allah
who neither believe nor practice Islam
who kill & are killed for their crazy creed which is
Me and my clan against the world
Me and my family against my clan
Me and my brother against my family
Me against my brother
That is what us savage Somalis live by
That is our blood & bone
That is how Dunces make us dance
to their pas de deux
to their terrible tune
There is
neither rhyme nor rhythm nor reason
in Somali racism
instead of this dance macabre
with Dunces
with clannish camarilla
who draw narrow circles of racist sorcery
who draw suffocating clannish circles
that shut Somalis out from each other-
Darod Dir Dayuus Danyer
a thing to flout
a nigger to nigrify
Why don’t we dance the dance of the joy of life
With Wits
With wags
with the wise
who have the love
who have the will
who have the wit
to outwit all Dunces
who have the courage to win
Who have the cohonos to draw Somali circles
That draw in
That include in
every Somali under the sun!
For these two reasons
I refer to us Somalis
as savages
in Somalia
in 1962
days before he was murdered
days before he was martyred
by a mad Majerten Moslem Mullah fanatic of a fool
No wonder Iqbal wrote ages ago:
Paradise is where there is no Mullah!
I asked my Mennonite teacher & friend
Merlin Russell Grove
to tell me
about the book he was reading then:
Shadow of the Almighty:
The life and Testament of Jim Elliot
by Elisabeth Elliot
Grove told me
that it was a wonderful read
that it was a captivating story about one called Jim Elliot
who was so constrained
by the love of Allah
that he went to the jungles of Ecuador
to share the good news
to share the Gospel
with savage Stone Age killers called
Aucas
I could not help but wonder aloud to him what I had feared most
that the same fate might claim him
right there in Mog
He dismissed my fear
by reassuring me thus:
“Don’t forget
Somalis are Moslems
Not Aucas
Not savage Stone Age killers
Somalis respect and admire us Christians
as the people of the book
don’t forget
we were invited to come here
by the Somali government
to educate you and other Somali citizens
you are citizens
Not Aucas
Not savage Stone Age killers
Not the headhunters of the jungles of Ecuador
called Jivaros
Somalis are not
“the lesser breeds without the law
half-devil and half-child”
Mogadishu is no mean city
Mogadishu is a cosmopolitan city
it is not
like the boonies
like the badlands
of the jungles of Ecuador. ”
Literally days later
as Grove was busy registering
Somali students for classes
a crazed Mad Majerten Mullah fanatic
from Matto Mugdi Mudug
plunged a dagger deep into Grove’s gullet and then disemboweled him
flinging his intestines
to the ceiling of his office
where they stayed strewn & stuck
for hours
for all to see
the savagery of it all
the butchery of it all
the Kaffirdom of it all
the infideldom of it all
the ignorance of it all
the arrogance of it all
the bovinity of it all
the infinite stupidity of it all
the insanity of it all
the bestiality of if all
the inhumanity of it all
The headhunters of the jungles of Ecuador called
Jivaros
are just like us Somalis sadomasochists
among them
just like among us
witchcraft sorcery hate murder
take deep roots early in life
Children as they fall asleep at night
are taught to repeat
Dir Darod Dayuus Danyer…
a list of names of those
they must learn to hate…
There is no end to the killings
The miserable part is that to pay off
these debts
as they call them
they don’t necessarily have to kill the very murderer himself—
any kin or kith will do
Just like the Somali savage clans called
Dir Darod Dayuus Danyer
do all the time!
If you don’t believe me
See pages 79 and 101 of
Through Gates of Splendor
by Elisabeth Elliot
You could hear a pin drop after my spiel
for once silence reigned supreme
among us noisy savage Somalis!
Sadiq, one of the founders of
Hawiye Action Group (HAG!)
broke the silence
took me to Hamarweyn Restaurant
for all the samos banjis bur halva qahwa zanjibiil I could handle!
----Togane
you were magnificent!
No more HAG!
I am with you now
you and I are now singing the same song from the same page!
But do tell me
what is going on
between you & the Majerten?
Your father always hang out
with the Majerten
just like you do now
like father like son!
What is it
that the Macavity Majerten have got
that the rest of the Somali clans haven’t got?
-----If anything can destroy
the Somali deadly poison called Qabiil
it is friendship across clans!
My late Dad had friends galore
from every Somali clan
He loved across clans too
He damn nearly married a maiden from every Somali subclan!
I repeat
Friendship across clans
love across the clan color line
That is the antidote
for our Somali sickness
for our Somali syndrome
for our Mogadishu lie
for our Mogadishu line
for our Matto Mugdi Mudug Malice
for our Matto Mugdi Mudug Malady
for our Somali racism!
That is why
I would literally betray
all of my bovine Abgal clan
rather than betray
my young Majerten friend, Maroyare!
Greater love hath no man than this
that a man lay down his life for his friends
That is what The Prophet was ready to do for his Umma
in Somalia
on July 16
in 1962
That is what my friend
Merlin Russell Grove
had done
for me!
for all of his Somali friends!
That is all I have been trying
to teach
to preach
to practice
to proffer
to prescribe
What is it
that the Macavity Majerten have got
that the rest of the Somali clans haven’t got?
that was your question
that is what you want to know
The Macavity Majerten have
something in spades
that other Somalis have
only a smidgen of
That something is called
Moxie
The ability
to laugh at the lie called life
to look at the stars EVEN while wallowing in the ditch!
to never give up!
to never quit!
to roll with the punches!
to never lose the initiative
to outstare the enemy till he blinks!
to face difficulty
with sardonic smile
with spirit
with courage
with savoir-faire
with flair
with brio
with pizzazz
with panache
with chutzpah
with the cohonos
with sang-froid
with cool
with nonchalance
with élan
with impeccability born of patience
with Majerten Macavitism
with Je-ne-sais-quoi
that proclaims to all & sundry
just because I am going to kick the bucket
don’t expect me
to be scared stiff
to be scared silly
don’t expect me
to blubber all over myself
to slobber all over myself
like a poltroon!
like Scaredy Cat!
like Igal Shidaad!
My young Majerten friend
Maroyare
best exemplifies
what I mean by Macavity Majerten Moxie:
at the tender age of seventeen
he lost all
at the hand of Afwayne
in the tyranny of Afwayne
in the terror of Afwayne
Maroyare lost
his Dad
his uncle
his older brother
his home
his Somalia
And for the last 20 years he has been eating the bitter bread of exile
here in Toronto
and yet I have yet to see him
wallowing in self-pity
singing the Belwo blues
like Togane!
and yet I have yet to hear him
Counsel ignoble ease
counsel peaceful sloth
like Belial
with words clothed in reason’s garb
and yet I have yet to hear him
SAY
the struggle naught avails
The labor and the wounds are vain
The enemy faints no nor fails
And as things have been they remain
and yet I have yet to hear him
SAY
hopes are dupes
fears are not liars
for when
Fear knocked at the door
Faith answered
No one was there!
No crazy clan was there!
and yet I have yet to hear Maroyare
SAY
like Togane
like countless other Silly Billy Somalis
Poor me!
poor me!
pour me a drink!
pour me a stiff double of Johnny Walker!
both red & black!
If that is not Macavity Majerten Moxie
I don’t know what it is!
Under the Tyranny of Afwayne
Under the Terror of Afwayne
More than anything else
Afwayne managed
to succeed in his hate campaign
of making every Somali hate the Majerten
of scapegoating the Majerten
under Afwayne
Allah made The Majerten
like honey
every jackass jumped the cue to swill them
Like the wild berries of the Doo’aan plain
Every jackass jumped the cue to bolt them
Every jackass jumped the cue
to tear off
a hunk of the Majerten prostrate body
Bereft of all they valued
These weeping Majerten orphans
These keening Majerten widowed wives
Whose Majerten husbands have been wantonly slaughtered
For the sons of Adam
for the daughters of Eve
to accept
to bear
to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
to put up with their lot
for what is written
is written!
for what is decreed
by the inexorable will of Allah
BUT
what is hard
to accept
to bear
to suffer
to listen to
is
the cackling laughter of the Marehan hyena of Garbahare!
the gloating hyena laughter of the Tyrant over the scattered Majerten corpses
who have been
cold-bloodedly
murdered
massacred
as if they were not part & parcel of the Ummaa
Did not Afwayne
everywhere
rain
Shells & mortars
On the Majerten
Regardless of guilt or innocence!
My young friend
Maroyare & his kith & kin
Bore all this and more
With utter Sabar
with patience
With utter surrender to the will of Allah!
Justified by their faith in Allah
Standing & rejoicing in hope of the glory of God
And not only so, but glorying in tribulations
also knowing that tribulation worketh patience
And patience, experience; and experience, hope
And hope maketh not ashamed because the love of God is shed abroad in their hearts
If that is not Macavity Majerten Moxie
I don’t know what it is!
Yay of the Majerten rer Mahad
best exemplifies
this Somali Macavity Majerten Moxie quality!
For over forty years he sought to reside
in Villa Somalia
in the Somali White House
Over forty years ago he vowed
Come hell or high water!
Come Marehan or Hawiye
Come all the Yays & Yanyuurs of Somalia
I will one day win the Somali White House
for I am the meanest Yay of them all!
for I am the yuckiest Yanyuur of them all!
for I am the luckiest Yanyuur of them all!
He fulfilled his vow
Look at him now!
Well ensconced in Villa Somalia!
Abdullahi Yusuf is bringing
Peace to us Hawiye
No wonder now you and I are
singing the same song from the same page!
The fight is over!
we hapless hopeless Hirab brothers were fighting
over the privilege of welcoming
Darod back to Mogadishu!
We both knew that Darod was going
to come down from his perch up in
that legendary tree
The fight was over whether he was going
to land on your black big back
or on my black big back
Yay didn’t trust us Hawiye at all
that is why Yay decided
to land in Mogadishu
riding the big black backs of Tigrian tigers
in tanks!
That is why Yay is now leading
Gidir & Abgal
singing the same song from the same page
the song is called:
Kiss And Make Up
Without beforehand thinking
sometimes I say things
I could never hate you
I do not mean one word of what I say
I don’t hate you
I don’t
I do not
Let’s kiss and make up
Let’s you and I kiss and make up
Let’s kiss and make up
I do not mean one word of what I say
I don’t hate you
I love you.
Laughter shook the sides of both
Sadiq & Togane
like Jelly!
like Jello!
like yellow
like mellow!
In another afternoon
in another Somali restaurant
Ismihaan
a stunningly beautiful nubile comely lass
a Mariin brunette bombshell traffic stopper
a real looker
accosted me thus;
---Are you the truculent terrible Togane
who titillates
who titivates
who tirades
who tintinnabulates
who tittle-tattles
who makes us titter on the internet?
---Yes
---Let me set you straight
Let me pull up your coat
Remember the old saying
“Sticks and stones may break my bones
but names will never hurt me?”
That ain’t so!
That ain’t the Truth!
Togane
Why do you always hurt me
by calling me & my clan
“the ill-mannered Issaq?”
Look how well-mannered I am!
If i were ill-mannered like you
I would beat your old bald pate with my boot!
---Ismihan
Have you read
THE AVATAR OF THE SOMALI RACE?
---Forget about that!
Everybody and her mother know
how decent the late Michael Mariano was!
Somalis of his ilk were never born!
The question I am putting to you right now is:
Why do you trash me & my clan
why do you traduce me & my clan
why do you torment the clan of your friend
Michael Mariano?
---Ismihaan
Ather
forgive me
I won’t do it again!
Let’s you and I kiss and make up!
-----Get away from me
you funny dirty old man!
Go and kiss and make up
with someone
your own size
your own age!
I am old enough to be YOUR granddaughter!
-------------Ismihan
Even though
your crazy kissing killing cousin
Faisal Warabe
is egging me on
to never let up
to never ease off
on the insane Issaaq of his sort
I say
from heretofore
from hereupon
from henceforth
no more name calling!
I hold with Hardy who said
“If way to the better there be
it exacts a full look at the worst”
I forced all of us Somalis
to take a full look at the worst
now I believe
all of us Somalis
save Faisal Warabe
are ready
to forgive
to forget
to kiss and make up
to bury the hatchet
to resurrect the nation
to put down the gun
to pick up The Book
to live by
The Mother of the Book
The Mother of the Qur’an
to replant the three Trees of Paradise
back in our Homeland:
The tree of Truth
The tree of Justice
The tree of Peace
that once flourished in Somalia
under whose shade
under whose shelter
the whole Somali nation
once sat
once prospered
once was protected by Allah
I say
no more name calling
for now more than ever
I feel
in my heart
I feel
in my gut
I feel
Now more than ever
I feel
Deep in my heart
I feel finally
This is the round
this is the time
this is the tide
this is the turn
this is the reason
this is the season
where we
the red Indians of Somalia
are going to win
are going to hit the ball way out of the ballpark!
Before I left Toronto
On Saturday January 13
On behalf of all Canadian Somalis
I powwowed with powers
I powwowed with principalities
I powwowed with Public Safety Minister Stockwell Day
I powwowed with Secretary of State for Multiculturalism Jason Kenny
who are going to support
morally
materially
The Transitional Federal Government of Somalia
With Hosh
with Tennis
with Lady Nurto
with Na-imo
with Batulo
with Zenib Buraki
with Qadro
with Cuulow
with Dhabar-yare
with Abdi-Gaab
with Janna-gale
with all the backing of all Somali activists
in the Diaspora
in the Galut
with all the pull & goodwill of all Somali peacemakers
behind the Somali Transitional Federal Government
It is now for Yay & Ghedi to lose this one!
Heaven forbid!
Upon leaving Toronto I ran into
His Royal Habar Gidir Highness
Mahad Afwayne
The Habar Gidir Rainmaker in Toronto
who paid me the highest compliment I have ever received
Mahad said
Togane
You are a Somali
You are like
Amin Amir!
you are a Somali
you don’t belong to any Somali clan
you belong to Allah!
You are Christian Mennonite to boot!
That is A-okay with me!
you are sovereign
like the Somali People
Your voice
like the voice
of Amin Amir
is
vox populi
vox Dei:
The voice of the people is
the voice of God
Togane
Don’t abuse
this blessing
this boon
this privilege
this prerogative
this bakshiish
this balance
The Good Lord has bestowed upon you!
Mahad Afwayne made my day
Now more than ever
I have never felt
this hopeful
this blessed balanced hope
that anchors my soul
Now more than ever
I have never felt
this confident
for OUR country Somalia!
for our common Somali future!
Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious Somali summer
By this sun of Rer Mahad
By this son of Rer Mahad
And all the clouds that loured upon our Hawiye House
In the deep bosom of the Indian Ocean buried
Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths
Our stern alarums changed to merry meetings
Our bruised arms hung up for monuments
our dreadful marches to delightful measures
Grim-faced War hath smoothed his wrinkled front
And after the insulting tyranny of Afwayne
And after all the Hutu Hawiye Horrors it trailed
And now, instead of mounting barbed steeds
To fright the souls of fearful adversaries
He capers nimbly in a lady’s chamber
To this piping time of Peace
To the lascivious pleasing of a lute
To the dancing of the callipygian cancan culo of Basra!
Now civil war wounds are stopped
Peace lives again!
That she may live long in our native Somali land
God say amen!
-----MAHAMUD SIAD TOGANE
