General Mahammad Siad Barre held a state funeral
and publicly buried
the Somali bogeyman
the Somali bugbear
the Somali Bete noir
the monster called
Moloch
the monster Somalis call
clanism
or
tribalism
or
qabeel
but as Somalis soon learned
the death of Somali crazy clanism was highly exaggerated!
Afwayne wanted to kill and bury and ban every Somali clan except
Marehan
Ogaden
Dhulbahante
Papa Doc was especially keen on
murdering and burying and banning
the Macavity Majerten
whom he hated and feared
Abdi Dahir
A Hawiye friend
now living in Virginia
like almost all Somalis wanted desperately
to believe that Afwayne was not lying about
the death and the burial of the Somali qurun called qabeel
Abdi had two dogs
and to show
how much he agreed with Afwayne
how much he hated
how much he despised Qabeel
he called one dog
Darod
and the other one
Hawiye
when the Darod dictator heard this
from Dafle
he was intrigued
and when he saw Abdi Dahir at Bar Jazeera
drinking tea with Dhalbaas
he took Abdi Dahir aside
dismissing Son of Perdition
and questioned Abdi Dahir closely:
---Abdi Dahir, You are a great Somali patriot!
A great Somali revolutionary!
Is there anything I can do for you?
---Mr. President, thank you. I have everything I need:
a great job,
a great family
and I am most happy to live
in peace
in the revolutionary Somalia over which you so wisely preside!
I could not ask for more!
What more could I possibly want?
I am a free Somali!
---But Abdi, tell me this:
those dogs of yours:
is it really true that you called one
Darod
and the other one
Hawiye
---Yes, Mr. President
---Ok:
which one is male
and which one is female?
---Mr. President, they are both male.
---I see.
But Abdi, do tell me;
don’t be shy
I am really curious
I want to know the real facts of life regarding your dogs
you know
how dirty dogs can be!
how ornery they can get!
how horny they can get!
in short, Abdi, this is what I would really like to know:
Who whom?
Who dominates whom?
Who mounts whom?
Does Darod mount Hawiye
Or
Does Hawiye mount Darod?
Who fucks whom?
Does Darod fuck Hawiye
Or
Does Hawiye fuck Darod?
Speak feely
Here we are adults
Let us not be hypocrites
Like silly Somalis
come on, Abdi
Don’t disappoint your President
I promise you
You won’t get into trouble for telling me the truth
Who fucks whom?
Does Darod bugger Hawiye?
Or
Is it Hawiye that buggers Darod?
---Mr. President,
Darod is gay!
Hawiye is gay too!
The two dogs are gay!
---You don’t say!
I will be damned!
Hot dog!
Hot dogs!
This is even more interesting than Dafle and I had thought!
Is it possible?
Both dogs faggots!
Fiddlesticks!
This is just too rich!
This is just too strange!
Still, the question boils down to
Who whom?
Who mounts whom?
Who fucks whom?
Is Darod the fucker?
Or
Is Darod the fuckee?
Who is the top dog?
Who takes the missionary position?
Who is supine?
Is Hawiye the fucker?
Or
Is Hawiye the fuckee?
Is Darod the done-to?
Or
Is Darod the doer?
Abdi, don’t hold out on me!
Speak up!
I can’t hear you!
By God, I shall find out the truth even if I have to ask
Cirde, Dafle, and Jilicow
My own top Darod and Hawiye dogs to beat it out of you!
Come on,
Spit it out!
----Mr. President,
Darod and Hawiye play the Italian game
Tocco per tocco!
Darod and Hawiye take turns fucking each other!
Today Darod fucks Hawiye!
Tomorrow Hawiye fucks Darod!
They are such a happy couple!
Always copulating!
Always fucking each other!
Always frolicking!
Always fornicating!
Always fucking!
So happy!
Mr. President,
You should see them fucking!
-----Afwayne shed tears of high hilarity
and bade Abdi to give a loving tender care to the two zany dogs
called Darod and Hawiye!
