“As my political credo and guiding philosophy in this clannish Somali labyrinth of countless crimes that pass for politics,

I believe implicitly and explicitly

in the trinity of this winning and unbeatable combination;

in these three awesome artifices that begin with the letter “M”:

(1) MAJERTEN (2) MARAYKAN (3) MONEY!

That was the late Omar Ma’alin

who was of the Ogaden clan and the Somali Ambassador to the United Nations

who made that very interesting and astute declaration which now enjoys

the force of a proverb and of a truism in Somali political circles.

Let us cast a cold eye on each of his unholy trinity:

(1: Majerten):  On October 10, 2004, Somalia gave a landslide victory to a Majerten, Abudullahi Yusuf, as the new President of the Somali nation.

Abdullahi Yusuf has been patiently waiting for this victory for more than four decades!

He outlasted Afwayne, Egal, Aideed, Ainanshe, Gabere

and all the other contenders for power!

He is the only one

the only credible Jihadist for power left standing on our Somali stage!

His maxim is:

D’abord, il faut durer!

What a patience!

Ina Yay has the patience of the Prophet Job!

What a perseverance!

What a prowess!

That is what I have always referred to

as the moxie of the Macavity Majerten!

Talk of the luck of the Irish Majerten!

Papa Doc Afwayne

who was a master of everything Somali and clannish

always believed that one day he will be unhorsed by a Majerten!

It finally happened:

Majerten’s Ina Yay unhorsed the futtocks of Afwaynissimo without Afwayne,

but led by the brainless Humpty-Dumpty-Darod-Dayoos called Buluq-Buluq!

Ina Yay unhorsed the rump-remnant

of Afwayne’s MODUS OPERANDI-cum-M(arehan) O(gaden)D(hulbahante Troika

that was trying so futilely to capture Somalia once again!

This is poetic justice!

For the Majerten were the first Somalis

who blew the whistle on the evil machinations of Afwayne and his MOD!

For the Majerten were the first Somali victims of the Somali Papa Doc

and his Dafle terrible Tonton Macoutes

because they were the first to resist the terror and the tyranny of Afwayne.

That is why the Majerten bore the brunt of the wrath of Afwaynissimo!

For Afwayne believed that eventually his Mad MOD will one day be easily

outsmarted and outclassed and put out to pasture

(like a superannuated ass)

by M multiplied to the power of 3 or

MAJERTEN MARAYKAN MONEY! 

I believe this augurs well for the future of Somalia.

I believe our Somali Majerten past is prologue to the present.

The best years of our recent Somali modern history,

the most peaceful years of our recent Somali history,

the most hopeful heyday JFK Camelot years of Somalia

were the years of the sixties

when Somalia enjoyed Pax Majertinya-Americana

under the suzerainty of the Salayman brothers;

when Rizaaq and Rashiid and Abshir,

all three of the blessed Majerten clan,

were at the helm of Somalia.

The brilliant English Social anthropologist,

I. M. Lewis,

who is

neither of the Majerten

nor of the Moablen clan,

who has dedicated his life to the study

of the soul & the psyche of the Somali,

called Rizaaq,

one of the most colorful,

the most charismatic,

and the most courageous sons of Somalis,

also “…the most effective Somali Prime Minister” (1964-1967).

I concur.

Alas!

After exactly forty years,

the answer to that historical question my clan, the Abgal, sang

in that famous calypso song,

the terse tercet

that they had chanted in 1964

while dancing in a frenzy

of clannish hurt and humiliation and anger

on the streets of their city, their Mogadishu,

all the way to the Lido beach,

can now be answered with authority;

but first,

here is the calypso song

and the serious question

that the Abgal prancing braves

full of beans and piss and vinegar then posed:

Array!

Marna waa Rasheed

Marna waa Rizaaq

Inta kale ma roatiya?

Behold!

Once it was a Majerten called Rasheed

Once again it was another Majerten called Rizaaq

Is the rest just roatie?

Is the rest just toast?

The answer is:

the rest turned out to be unmitigated disaster.

Alas, at least one can eat toast for breakfast!

But what can one do with one disaster after disaster?

Since these sons of Heaven, Rasheed and Rizaaq and Abshir,

since their Majerten mandate from Heaven

that we Somalis had once enjoyed,

all the rest,

all the men of disaster

who ruined us and Somalia,

from Afwayne and Aideed

to Bad Boy (Ina Salad sad Prozac Boy) and the greedy Billy goat from Garowe

and the vulture of Las Anod, alias Ali Khaleef Galayrd,

to Ina Salad Boy’s erstwhile haughty piss-proud Prime Minister,

who failed miserably

despite all those millions of Maraykan dollars

that he had stolen

as one of the chief architects of Afwayne’s kleptocracy;

Galayrd, in a vain search of the Holy Grail of Somali politics:

Majerten Maraykan Money,

even married Maryan, a nubile Majerten maiden and sleeps Majerten every night

hoping that some of the Majerten mojo and magic would rub off from Maryan

unto his Dhulbahante derriere—so far to no avail!!!.

He remains,

despite the nightly ministrations of Maryan,

a dirty Darod Dafle Dhulbahante!

All the pretenders,

all the Majerten wannabes since Rizaaq and Rashiid and Abshir turned out

to be worse than toast:

Alas, at least one can eat toast for breakfast!

For decades Afwayne and his MOD-Hawiye-Eedoar heirs forced us Somalis

to breakfast on bitterness!

Since Rasheed and Rizaaq and Abshir,

all the rest from Afwayne to the heir-Ayr Prozac Boy turned out to be just

boonsho: husks, hucksters, hecklers, hustlers, hooligans, heels, hellions, & has-beens!

(2): Maraykan: Now that Somalia has a Majerten Head of State,

the Americans, bearing countless gifts of dollars for Somalia, are not very far behind!

The Americans are already jumping now on the Abdullahi Yusuf’s Majerten band wagon because he is the only one that can credibly guarantee that the crazy clerics of Somalia

will stay clear of politics,

will stay toothless and confined and contained in their mosques

where they belong!

Ina Yay had already proven to the world

that he is the master of his own Majerten house in Puntland,

that he is the number one Nemesis of the Mad Mullahs of Somalia

who covet earthly power and entertain the foolish notion and fatude

that they can turn Somalia into an Islamic republic.

Just like Iran & with the help of Iran.

When it comes to dealing with the scourge of AlQaida and Islamo-fascism,

Abdullah Yusuf has no equal, bar none!

When the mad Mullahs of AlQaida’s Al-Itihad tried to shoot their way into power

in Majertinya, Abdullahi Yusuf wiped them off the face of the earth!

He hid them from the earth without the help of the Americans!

That is why the Americans cannot wait to meet Ina Yay

who is

their main man in Somalia,

their main man against the universal struggle against terrorism.

I admire Ina Yay because he believes and practices

what Jesus, the Mighty Word of Allah, taught:

“Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s;

and unto God the things that are God’s.”

In another words Abdullahi Yusuf considers the slogan,

(Islam deen wa doala!)

to be what it is exactly:

Nonsense!

And against Allah

and against Islam

and against common sense;

it is the most mindless,

the most malicious,

the most pernicious heresy of Islam!

Just like Marxism & Leninism and their offspring, Communism,

are defeated and discredited and disgraced heresies of the Christian faith,

it is also just a matter of time before this dreadful demented doctrine

of Islam deen wa doala

will be discredited, disgraced and dealt the resounding defeat it so deserves.

With the help of America,

I have no doubt

that Abdullah Yusuf will make sure

that the hydra-headed monster of political Islam

never rears its fugly head again

to find a harbour and a haven

in the Horn of Africa.

The majority of the Somalis

who are moderate Moslems agree with the Son of the Jackal:

they don’t want their religion, Islam,

to be hijacked by pious power-pimps

and by a few power-hungry hooligans

for no Somali Moslem wants

the House of Allah to be equated with

the House of Whores, Hirelings, Has-beens, and Hogs

also known as the morticians-cum-politicians of MOAG and HOAG!

(3) Money:

With Abdullahi Yusuf and his Majerten once again wielding power in Somalia,

with a Majerten once again in Villa Somalia,

I have no doubt that it will rain money ( bashbash iyo barwaaqo ) in Mogadishu!

By gorry

by jing

by gee

by gosh

by gum!

America will soon come calling upon Ina Yay and upon his Somalia!

You will soon see Ina Yay in the White House dancing with Laura Bush!

And bending the ear of Dubya!

Who can resist when America decides to seduce!

For America can seduce even God!

“Yes, America has that seductive power—

the power of Dollarism!”

Go ask Ahmed Karzai of Afghanistan!

When Mad Aideed and his invading Hawiye Habar Digir hordes

were welcomed by the mindless Mudulood

into Mogadishu to drive the Darod Majerten citizens out of the very Mogadishu

that was their home,

that they had helped to build & prosper,

an Abgal,

a wise old Abgal wag, cracked a crack

that gave our whole Qat nation a comic relief

from the Habar Dugaag Horror show:

Teen Aboor! Timir Seeb! Talo Huma!

Sew the thorny Cacti!

Uproot the Darod Date Palm Trees!

What a Crazy council!

Sew the wind!

Reap the whirlwind!

What a crazy council!

Boot out the Darod Macavity Majerten!

Bring in the Bantu Hutu Habar Dugaag!

What a bootless balderdash bringdown!

Everybody cracked up,

realizing their monumental madness in welcoming Mad Aideed

and his invading gûn Habargidir goons.

Now that we Somalis have a Majerten Head of State,

Somalia has a new lease on life!

Somalia chose life and rejected endless unnecessary needless dying!

Somalia is no longer a Charnel House!

Now the Majerten date palm trees are beginning to blossom once again in Mogadishu;

the flowers appear again on the Somali earth;

the time of the singing of birds in Somalia is come again;

and the voice of the Macavity Majerten Jackal

is heard once again in our land.

And this morning every Somali from Bossasso to Boston is singing:

Te Deum!

AAAMEEN!

AMEN!

MAANTA MAANTA MAANTA!

MADAHAY BANNAANI MANTA!

Every Somali from Bossasso to Boston is having Majerten dates for breakfast this morning except the teen-totaler Habar Dugaag

who are too teed off to taste and feast on the Majerten timir!

But give them a few days of Majerten Grace & Patience

to get used to their Hutu Hawiye humiliation,

to get used to the overwhelming triumph of the Macavity Majerten, their Nemesis,

who once again stood up to deliver all of Somalia

from the yoke of Afwaynissimo without Afwayne,

But give them a few days of Majerten Grace & Patience

to get used to the overwhelming triumph of the Macavity Majerten, their Nemesis,

who once again stood up to deliver all of Somalia

from the yoke of the Hutu Hawiye yahoos & yokels!

Give Osman Atto and the Salad Prozac Boy a few days of Majerten Grace & Patience!

And I guarantee, in no time, you will hear them

and their Habargidir homeboys singing the praises

of the sweet timir of the Intrepid Macavity Majerten

louder than this Proud son of the gun of the Abgal!