HOLDING UP THE MIRROR TO THE FUGLY FACE OF THE SOMALI RACE
To hold, as it were, the mirror up to nature (Hamlet: Act 3, Scene ii).
… Somalia [is] the dumbest, because look how in a few short months they’ve managed to reduce their capital to rubble. Definitely the dumbest. See page 38 of Keith B. Richburg. Out of America: A Black Man Confronts Africa. New York: A Harvest book, 1998.
It is impossible to pretend that you are not heir to, and therefore, however inadequately or unwillingly, responsible to, and for, the time and place that give you life.
—James Baldwin
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
Magic Mirror on the wall
Who in this whole wide world is the dumbest of them all?
Who in this whole wide world is the dumdum Demeanest of them all?
Who in this whole wide world is the fugliest of them all?
Somalis!
What are we?
Who are we?
We are silly Somalis
We are savage Somalis
We are sicko Somalis
We are psycho Somalis
We are sorry-assed saphead Somali losers
We are sorry-assed saphead Somali suckers
We are most definitely the dumbest of them all in this whole wide world
We are the dumdum Demeanest of them all in this whole wide world
We are the fugliest of them all in this whole wide world
We are so bloody too clever by half for our own good
We are Somalis
We reduced to rubble our whole Homeland in a New York nanosecond
We are Somali silly billies
We spare
Nobody
Nothing
Nada
We are Somali stupidhead strippers
We stripped our whole Somali nation
Naked
In front of the whole wide world
Naked
Naked of her integrity
Naked of her dignity
Naked of her unity
Naked of her sanity
Naked of her divinity
Naked of her humanity
Naked of her destiny
We are Somalis
We are insatiable greedy guts
We are Somali stooges
We are the heapers
We are the reapers
We are the revelers in
All that is indecent
All that is forbidden
All that is fugly
All that is shameful
All that is sharmut
All that is shocking
All that is haram
All that is hateful
All that is unkosher
All that is uncouth
We are Somalis
We never shy away from anything
That is shitty
That is shocking
That is shameful
That is sordid
That is sinister
That is scandalous
That is embarrassing
That is Evil
The only things we cathect
The only things we cultivate
The only things we collect
The only things we care about
The only things we are crazy about
The only way we get our kicks
The only farms we farm are
Wrong & robbery
Lying & Larceny
We are Somalis
We never support
We never side
With whatsoever things which are true
With whatsoever things which are honest
With whatsoever things which are just
With whatsoever things which are pure
With whatsoever things which are lovely
With whatsoever things which are of good report
With whatsoever things which are fair
With whatsoever things which are decent
With whatsoever things which are human
With whatsoever things which are divine
With whatsoever things which are good
With whatsoever things which are godly
We are Somalis
We are all beyond the pale
We are all from Mad Mugdi Mudug
We are never partial to anything that is pretty
We are Somalis
We are our own worst enemies
We murder our own children
We maim our own offspring
We are always ever ready
We are always ever ripe
We are always up
We are always upbeat
To rob
To wrong
We are Somalis
We are all always
Up
Up to no good
We are all always primed
To plunder
To pillage
We are all always shit-hot
On what is shameful
On what is shambolic
On what is shocking
On what is Sham
We are Somalis
Our Somali boundless pointless pride pulverizes
The weak
The defenseless
We are Somalis
We laugh at Lovingkindness
We trample upon Tender Mercies
We traduce the Truth
We trash Tolerance
We traffic in Treachery
We give Love the bum’s rush
We cast out our loved ones
Into Cold Canada
Into all other crazy corners of the Cosmos
Into the outerdarkness
Our cup runneth over
With the everlasting bitterness of all those we daily inflict
With the everlasting curses of all those we daily afflict
We are Somalis
We never honor
We never esteem
Our elders
Our betters
Our braves
Our paladins
Our sagacious sultans
We hack to death all of our own heroes
We guillotine all of our own gallant ones
We butcher all of our own up-and-coming standout stalwarts
We spare no Somali
With any sense
With any incense
With any sanity
With any sagacity
With any sobriety
We are all punch-drunk on our Evil deeds
We feed on
We grow fat on
We wax wild on
We wax wicked on
We batten
On the daily misery
On the daily death
On the daily destruction
On the daily degradation
On the daily contumely
On the daily craziness
We daily dish out
To our own kith
To our own kin
Whose pitiful pleas to Allah are the main mojo music to our ears
We are Somalis
We are all done gone the way of Cain
We are all the killers of our own brothers
We are all natural born losers
We are all natural born killers
Of our own kind
Of our own kith
Of our own kin
We all study war and nothing else
We only teach our hands to war
We only teach our fingers to fight
Our right hand is the right hand of fraud & falsehood
Our mouth speaks only vanity
O Lord, in thee we do not trust
That is why we are confused confounded conflicted
That is why we are unhappy hypocrites whose God is not the Lord
That is why we are finished off by Fitna
We all worship warmongers
We all are wannabe warlords
We all are acolytes of warlocks
We all are myrmidons of mad men
We all are minions of monsters
We all are dedicated dogs of Niman Belaaya
Who foment Fitna
Who fuel feuds
We are Somalis
We faithfully flock after the very thieves of
Our own birthright
Our own patrimony
We tease all
We taunt all
We tar all
We feather all
We tear apart all
We brand them all
Fools
All those who do not dance
To the drums of Disaster
To the drums of Dunces
To the drums of Degradation
To the Dirges of Death
We are Somalis
We are nihilists
We believe
In nihilism
In nihility
In negativity
In negation
In nothing
In nada
We flout our sacred traditions
We never live out the Muslim faith we flaunt
So foolishly
So vociferously
So vehemently
So fanatically
So fantastically
With our fartugly liver lips
We are Somalis
We are Kipling’s lesser breeds without the law
We are half Devil half dwarfish Deadhead
We are savages
That is why we have yet to achieve
The Somali nation-state
The rule of law
The writ of habeas corpus
The runes of humanity
The rudiments of morality
We are Somalis
We believe Might is Right
We are the coons with the Kalashnikovs
We are truly the only niggers with no place to be somebody
We are so bloody too clever by half for our own good
We are Somalis
The First Tree of Paradise
The Tree of Truth
Under which the whole world shelters
Is in grave dire danger because of us dissembling senseless Somalis
We are the natural born sworn enemies of the Truth
We deny the Truth
We disown the Truth
We denounce the Truth
We disclaim the Truth
We distort the Truth
We disparage the Truth
We discourage the Truth
We disfigure the Truth
We dis the Truth
We deny the Reality
We disown the Reality
We decry the Reality
We distort the Reality
We refuse the Reality
We reject the Reality
We refute the Reality
We repress the Reality
We root out the Reality
We never grow weary of our own Mighty Meandering Mendacity
We are Somalis
We are so bloody too clever by half for our own good
We slaughter ourselves daily with our own hands
And then we spin it
So rapidly
So rabidly
So seductively
So sedulously
So sapidly
So sappily
So we can pin it on others
So we can blame it on others
So we can put it on the doorsteps of others
So we can deliberately make ourselves unaware of
The hell
The horror
The mess
The misery
The morass
The moral squalor
We are wallowing in right now
So we can deliberately make ourselves unaware of the awful anguish
We are languishing in right now
So we can deliberately make ourselves unaware of how we all are now at the end of our tether
We are Somalis
We are so bloody too clever by half for our own good
We go off on terrible tangents
To redeem the irredeemable
We go off on wild warthog chases
To defend the indefensible
We go off on a tear
Looking for silly wicked wacky wily ways
To excuse the inexcusable
We go off on terrifying tantrums
Looking for silly wicked wacky wily ways
To justify the unjustifiable
We go off out on a limb
Looking for silly wicked wacky wily ways
To rationalize the irrational
We go off out on erroneous errands
Looking for silly wicked wacky wily ways
To do a song and dance for
Our daily Depravity
Our daily Destruction
Our daily Death
Our daily Dread
Our daily Degradation
Our daily Despair
Our daily Disgrace
We are Somalis
We are never ever really ready to deal
Seriously
Honestly
With our deeply scarred Somali Soul
With our deeply wounded Somali Psyche
With our deeply damaged Somali Spirit
We are never ever really ready
To debate
To dialog
To discuss
Seriously
Honestly
How we can all minister to our Somali diseased mind
How we can all pluck from the memory this deeply rooted Somali Sorrow
How we can all raze out the written troubles of the Somali brain
And with some sweet oblivious antidote
Cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff
Which weighs so heavily upon our Somali Heart
We are Somalis
We are so stuck on being
So stupid
So Somali
That we don’t realize
That this is our own Fire
That we are fanning right now so viciously
That is so devastating us all
We are Somalis
We are so stuck on being
So stupid
So Somali
That we don’t realize
That we all must minister to our sick seared Somali Spirit right now
Or
Perish
Like lunkheads
Like we are just perishing right now
Mirror Mirror on the Wall
Magic Mirror on the wall
Who in this whole wide world is the dumbest of them all?
Who in this whole wide world is the dumdum Demeanest of them all?
Who in this whole wide world is the fugliest of them all?
Somalis!
What are we?
Who are we?
We are silly Somalis
We are savage Somalis
We are sicko Somalis
We are psycho Somalis
We are sorry-assed saphead Somali losers
We are sorry-assed saphead Somali suckers
We are so bloody too clever by half for our own good
We are most definitely the dumbest of them all in this whole wide world
We are the dumdum Demeanest of them all in this whole wide world
We are the fugliest of them all in this whole wide world
We are Somalis.
—MAHAMUD SIAD TOGANE
My Dear fellow Sicko Somali readers:
If you don’t dig what I have committed here, maybe you can dig the original Somali sad song (upon which the above is based) here below composed by my mentor, the better poet: Mudane Said Ainab
Qaran dumiya isma daba qabta meel walbaba diirta
Wax ma deeqa xaaraan daldala ceebta kama diiqa
Dulmi iyo dhac mooyee marnaba daacad uma hiisha
Isu daranta ubadkeeda dila dooxata u jooga
Naxariista dayriya gacalo dalow ka tuuryeeya
Beshaan dab iyo xoog lahayn kibir u daaduunsha
Dacalada ka buuxsada inkaar abid an duugoobin
Duqaydiyo akhyaartiyo wax garad duubab ma xushmeeya
Halyeygeeda dila nindoorkii kacaba kama dambaysiiya
Dibindaabyadeedaas ku naax dhegaha deeqsiiya
Warlord dagaal oogayiyo tuugta daba yaaca
Ninkaan bello Durbaanka u tummayn doqon ku sheeq sheega
Xeer diida diin kuma dhaqma dawlad hanan waaya
Runta u daran xaqiiqada dafira beenta kama daala
Gacanteeda isku dila ee haddana duul kale u saara
Isma daya dayaca ay qabtiyo deefta ma ogaada
Boogaha dushaa sare ka dhaya qiil dulli u raadsha
Sidii daawo loo heli lahaa waana kama dooda
Dabkay hurisay baa gubahayee damin aqoonwaaya
NOTES
1. Demeanest: A pun in Somali and in English: Demean or demiin in Somali is dumdum like Dubya, the Demean in the White House.
2. Fitna: “…is an Arabic word, generally regarded as very difficult to translate. It is often used to refer to civil war, disagreement and division within Islam and specifically alludes to a time involving trials of faith, similar to the Tribulation in Christian eschatology.” See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fitna
3. Minister to our Somali diseased mind: From Shakespeare’s Macbeth, 5. 3:
“Canst thou not minister to a mind diseased,
Pluck from the memory a rooted sorrow,
Raze out the written troubles of the brain,
And with some sweet oblivious antidote
Cleanse the stuffed bosom of that perilous stuff
Which weighs upon the heart?”
4. Mudug: The area of Somalia where all the Evil that is plaguing Somalia right now are cultivated and cathected; the area where we grow our monsters, our midgets, our morons, and our mindless managers and manipulators; the area that is now synonymous with Somalia.
5. Mugdi: (Somali) The Darkness and the Despair and the Evil and the Ignorance and the Arrogance of Mudug (q.v.) that has now spread to every nook, to every cranny, to every corner of Somalia.
6. Niggers: Somalis who are now the only people in the world with no place where they can be somebody.
7. Niman Belaaya: (Somali) Men or rather Dunces of Disasters. Singular: Nin Belaaya: A Dunce of Disasters. Lewis wrote on page 198 of A Pastoral Democracy: A Study of Pastoralism and Politics Among the Northern Somali of the Horn of Africa. London: Oxford University Press, 1961:
“Popularity and political influence are the result of a totality of different attributes important amongst which are hospitality (which should go with wealth), wisdom, and those various qualities of strength, courage and skill in political affairs which are summed up by the word belaayo. The word means “disaster” or “catastrophe”, but what is disastrous to adversaries is often advantageous to one’s self, and it is in this sense that bellayo is a term of praise for a man whose actions come near to the ideals of Somali belligerence, independence, daring and panache. When Somali refer to a person as bellayo, they mean that he fulfills their ideals of manly hardihood and distinction. And what wealth and weight of kinship many not ensure, agility in the conduct of affairs, and the skillful manipulation of jealousies and ambitions, may achieve.”
8. No Place To Be Somebody: This is the title of a play by Charles Gordone. Indianapolis, IN: The Bobbs--Merril Company, 1969.
It is the perfect definition of what a Somali nigger is: A nobody with no place to be somebody; that is exactly what we Somalis have rendered and reduced ourselves to.
9. Sharmut: (Somali) Whoremonger.
