Abdullahi Yusuf
Alias
Ina Yay
Enjoy your brief honeymoon!
We thank the Almighty
For ending the long Somali Nightmare
From which we Somalis seem to be waking up just now!
We thank the Almighty
For finally making you
Abdullahi Yusuf Ahmed
The Somali Darod Majerten Prince Charming
Our Somali President.
It was a long difficult rancorous birth
Of Mugdi & Mudug
Of Gloom & Doom
Of Jalaf & Khalaf
Of Tweedledum & Tweedledee
In the territory of our beloved Kenyan enemy
Astride over many a Somali grave
And in Mogadishu
We are waiting for you to come!
We are waiting for Godot to come!
We are waiting for God to come too!
I am glad that Allah has blessed you
With the moxie of the Macavity Majerten
With a heavy dose of healthy sense of humour
With which to encounter the crazy rabidity of Somali rumour!
We have heard
How you jived the Abgal Jackass
How you joshed Al-Hajji Musse Soodi Yelahow
How you made Qurunle Qanyare quake in his clannish corner
How the Somali beautiful bride in Mogadishu meowed:
No one shall be my bridegroom
But
He whose foot this golden slipper fits.
Yesteryear
Yesterday
The Hawiye Hirab Habar Gidir Klansman
The Heir ‘Ayr Boy
Ina Sad Salad Prozac Boy
Pretended to be the Somali Prince Charming
And forced his Bantu Hutu Hawiye peasant bloody fugly foot
Into the golden slipper
But two vigilant Ethiopian spies espied him
And warned the Somali bride and the whole world:
Turn and peep
Turn and peep
There’s blood within the shoe
The shoe it is too small for the Hutu Hawiye helot Boy
The true bridegroom waits for you.
And the Somali bride rejected and ejected
The dejected false fugly Kofi-dhoob wannabe pretend bridegroom!
Today
This morning
In front of the whole world
In Nairobi Kenya
The true Darod Majerten Prince Charming
Abdullahi Yusuf
Alias
Ina Yay
Slipped his foot with ease into the golden slipper
And behold!
How it fits like a glove!
Snug as a bug in a rug!
As if he were born with his foot in the golden slipper!
And Ethiopia and the whole world chortled in their joy:
Behold!
Ina Yay
Abdullahi Yusuf
Is the true bridegroom!
The Majerten Prince Charming from the Darod
Who are the only true Somali Narod
Turn and peep
Turn and peep
No blood is in the shoe
The shoe is not too small for Ina Yay
The true bridegroom is soon going to join
His young blushing Somali nubile bride in Mogadishu!
Now
I
Abdullahi Yusuf
Adjure America and the whole world
To put their money where their mouth is
To give me now the biggest of bridal showers
To give me now the billions pledged for the Somali bride
Before my consummation
Of this Somali Majerten Marriage
I Adjure America and the whole world
To shiver and quiver the American money tree
To throw down Silver and gold all over me
So I can shower presents on my new Somali bride
Who has been waiting patiently
For me
For Godot
Forever!
Who has been patiently waiting for me in Mogadishu
For ages!
—In the meantime…
Ina Yay
Enjoy your brief honeymoon!
Well, happiness to your sheets!
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NOTES
Godot: Waiting For Godot: A play by Samuel Becket that deals with the absurdity born of the quest of man for meaning and the utter indifference of the deafening silence of God. “The absurd can only exist in the conflict between human reason and an irrational universe”. No leap of faith can bridge the gap between woman’s earnest yearnings of the heart and the cold silent universe in which she finds herself. The notion between Being & Nada whose corollary is Kierkegaard’s maxim is: Credo quia absurdum est: I believe because it is absurd. Kierkegaard defines faith as the “absolute relation to the absolute”. Waiting for the silent God; waiting in vain; waiting for somebody that never bothers to shows up; a long and boring and useless and interminable waiting for the Somali tortoise; just like the Somali people have been waiting for a government for the last 14 years! Waiting for a pot to boil forgetting that a watched poet never boils! Absurd waiting: “The Absurdism is the root of which is a term used originally to describe a violation of the rules of logic, has acquired a diverse and wide connotations in modern theology, philosophy, and the arts, in which it expresses the failure of traditional values to fulfil man’s spiritual and emotional needs”
Happiness to your sheets: From Shakespeare’s Othello.
Ina Yay: (Somali) Son of the Jackal.
Jalaf & Khalaf: The Charybdis & Scylla of Somali politics: Charybdis is a black hole of a whirlpool into which ships disappear forever. Scylla is a monster that has six long necks and each head has three rows of teeth. Odysseus or Ulysses sailed closer to Scylla and sacrificed six of his men but saved his ship. The expression “to be caught between Charybdis & Scylla” is like to be caught between Jalaf & Khalaf, between Aideed & Ina Yay: a conundrum out of which you just can’t con your way out of; the conundrum in which Somalia is caught right now. Jalaf is the name of Aideed’s sept and stands for all of the Habar Gidir and their Hawiye; Khalaf is the Majerten counterpart sept and stands for all of the Majerten confederacy of Ina Yay .
Kofi-dhoob: (Somali) A contemptuous term for the Habar Gidir.
Macavity: See Macavity: The Mystery Cat by Thomas Stearns Eliot.
Macavity, Macavity, there’s no one like Macavity,
There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.
Mudug: The region of the badlands of Somalia where all the Evil that has destroyed Somalia originates. The home of the
author of anarchy; one who excites revolt.
Imperial anarchs doubling human woes.
The Empire of Aideed & Abdullahi Yusuf where they are consummate connoisseurs of Chaos; where they cultivate and cathect Bililiqsie: Rape & Rapine & Razzia; the Empire of which Alexander Pope (1688-1744) wrote:
Lo! thy dread Empire, Chaos, is restored;
Light dies before thine uncreating word:
Thy hand, great Anarch, lets the curtain fall;
And universal darkness buries all.
Mugdi: The great universal darkness of clannish Anarch’s Jahiliya: Ignorance & Arrogance.
Narod: (Russian) Folks; people.
